somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
