remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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