I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
