we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
