Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
