I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize
