My liver just broke up with me...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize