i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
