I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
