he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
