Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
3pm strippers are depressing
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
