Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i came on her dog
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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