i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
