sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
