Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
