I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize