Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
smell my finger.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize