piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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