you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
