Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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