another moral hangover. fuck.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
