I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
