don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
