This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
