If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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