i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
