sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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