Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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