I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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