Im at strip club and am horny
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
