Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
