Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
