I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
