Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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