I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
