Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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