I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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