Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
