I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
