I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
