fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
