I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
