I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
