my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
