I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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