I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
