Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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