forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
