dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
