So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's shark week go big or go home
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
