Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
