I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
