You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
being pregnant is like rehab
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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