I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
