i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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