So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
