i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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