When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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