Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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