you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
