Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
