just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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