yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
