Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
