he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
