I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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