Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
