cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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