Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
