Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
