I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
