so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
