What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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