I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
