We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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