I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
