Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
