shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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