he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
