hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
