You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
