fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
