he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
