i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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