I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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