i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
