oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
